I feel like shit today. -__-
I keep my razor by my computer, just as a temptation, just to know what I have overcome, just as a silent reminder, just to prove to myself I will not falter and relapse ever again.
Nick hasn’t replied to my last text since.. may 1. he was really sad. I don’t know what happened. Im waiting for him to text me. or just show up. but he’ll never show up…
i honestly can’t even fathom why people start to like me. when people tell me i seriously just laugh at them. they probably get offended. but really.. no.
i smoked hookah for the first time yesterday. you can fucking riiippppp hookah omfg. i love it. i can take big hits regardless so i feel like i sit there for a good 30 seconds and people just look at me like ‘the fuck’ but :3 mm. and it tastes good. okay.
im making sean really depressed. i could make him happy, but i choose not to. i suck. HA,. secret time..
my recruiter just got my medical records from the hospital because i had surgery and sent them up to meps along with my picture of my ssc card. so, he will be calling me again very soon. i am so fucking nervous…
nick : “i wanted to say that im sorry.. /: For exploding. and being such an asshole. im just so scared ashley, i dont want to get my heart ripped out again. and im sorry that i hurt you again. i love you. i fucking love you more than anything or anyone. and youre my kw.. youre mine. and i need you. i really, really want to come see you. and be with you. and be yours and let you have me. i want to make this work. i want you to be in my arms, i want to cuddle you and love you and make you feel fucking special because you really are. please dont go kw. im sorry. please be patient with me. i promise ill sweep you off your feet. i promise ill come see you as soon as i can. i promise ill love you. i promise ill be here when you get back from basic. i promise that if anyone tries to fucking hurt you ill kill them. i promise that even though im stubborn and jealous, ill work on it. i promise that even though im hot headed, i wont explode like that anymore. i love you kw. so much. ): “